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You can care for, respond to, and respect another only as deeply as you know him or her.The effect of genuine, other-oriented giving is profound.Likewise, the best way to feel loving is to be loving ― and that means giving.While most people believe love leads to giving, the truth (as Rabbi Eliyahu Dessler writes in his famous discourse on loving kindness) is exactly the opposite: Giving leads to love. When an enthusiastic handyman happily announces to his non- mechanically inclined wife, "Honey, wait till you see what I got you for your birthday ― a triple-decker toolbox! Neither is a father's forcing violin lessons on his son because he himself always dreamed of being a virtuoso. " she cooed.) But in her study of real-life successful marriages Judith Wallerstein reports that "the value these couples placed on the partner's moral qualities was an unexpected finding." To the Jewish mind, it isn't unexpected at all.Now that you're feeling so warmly toward the entire human race, how can you deepen your love for someone?

The first is care, demonstrating active concern for the recipient's life and growth.

"Tell you what: I'll define it, and you raise your hands if you agree. When she called her parents to tell them the good news, they were elated.

Obviously, there's a huge distance from here to the far more profound, personal love developed over the years, especially in marriage. Susan learned about this foundation of love after becoming engaged to David.

It allows you into another person's world and opens you up to perceiving his or her goodness.

At the same time, it means investing part of yourself in the other, enabling you to love this person as you love yourself.

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